I've had a couple of people comment on the name for my blogspot...j crew? While there's something special about looking through the J. Crew Outlet store around Christmastime when we visit Buffalo (brrr...maybe it's the sweaters there that time of year), I have not named my page after the comfy classic store. So what else could it mean?
Ten years ago, I was pretty newly engaged to Greg. My dad had just passed away, I was in the middle of my sophomore year in college, and, to be honest, had no idea who I was. All I did know, from the moment I met Greg, was that I would forever be his. Discovering who I was, aside from his girl, was an intimidating challenge. It's pretty scary to be twenty years old, married, and unidentified as an individual. (Maybe it's even harder to be the guy that's married to the girl trying to figure it all out!) I was simply Greg's wife. VERY soon after, I was Emily's mom. And Kaleb's mom. I wasn't Heather anymore. I was second-in-command for the J (jastrzemski) Crew.
It's hard for me to let my guard down and get people in to know the REAL Heather (maybe it has something to do with ME not knowing who that is?). I'm 30 and I'm just figuring out that I CAN do that. Without getting too deep into it, holy cow, God sure is enriching my life with people that are letting me just be ME. I'm learning to be comfortable with the thought that God created me with certain desires and inclinations. And, I think, maybe I'm learning that it's okay to be identified by my little family (I'm not sure why I still feel like I can call it little when there are six of us!). Nothing makes my heart pound like that certain look that Greg gives me when I know he's impressed. And I've never felt my stomach leap the way I do when my babies squeeze my neck and whisper, "I love you Mommy..." (or, in Avery's case, "hold you Mommy")
I know that God's purposes for me go beyond the people in my house. I am learning that my true identity is in Him. (I am nothing otherwise) But I also know for certain, that for such a time as this, I was created to love and teach my children. To be the best wife I can be. To lose myself, or should I say, find myself, as the j crew mama. And I'm more than okay with that.