Thursday, December 30, 2010

Tiny Dancer


We saw baby #6 dance across the ultrasound screen today. Just as much as with the first, I was amazed at how the tiny little taps I feel in my belly become so real after seeing baby's face. This little person will one day smile at me, reach for me, tell me their dreams...and I got to see the first glimpses of them today.

My heart is overwhelmed. Christmas, though difficult with a husband with the flu, was beautiful. God's grace is so real right now. I've lost my dad, tried to grow up too fast, had marriage struggles, dealt with insecurity as a mom, but in the end, He has given much, and I am undeserving. Because of His grace, I have more than I could ever ask for. And nothing else matters. Truly, nothing else matters.

With each little blessing that He's given me (and by that, I mean child), He has melted me more & more. Where I was once cold and angry, I am content. I am learning how to trust and love my Heavenly Father, my husband, and my role as a mother. For those three things, I am most grateful.

Now, each of my pregnancies have been quite predictable. I feel exactly the same with each girl baby, and exactly the same with each boy baby.
But this little one threw me for a loop. I was SURE it was a boy...
But, in May, we will welcome our fourth baby girl.

And, for the first time, today, I saw her dance.

"now she's in me, always with me,
tiny dancer in my hands...

But, oh, how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you, and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly...

Hold me closer, tiny dancer... had a busy day today..."

-elton john

See you soon, little one...


Tina said...

beautiful, heather. so glad you found/took the time to document your feelings right now. and share them with us.

Tina said...

i wonder if throwing off the girl/boy #s is so that you can try for another. help the boys out a bit. :) don't hate me.