We did it. We resisted the temptation. Yesterday morning was my 20-week sonogram, the one where we could've found out if we were having another girl or another boy; and we said no.
If you didn't know, there were some minor (but scary) complications at the beginning of this pregnancy. Around week 8, I started bleeding a bit and it didn't stop until week 10 or so. I went in for an ultrasound to see if things were okay, and the perinatologist was not as optimistic as I thought he'd be. I expected to go in and have him look at me like I'm just a paranoid pregnant woman, and tell me to go home and stop worrying; everything looked fine. Instead, he told me that my placenta had been tearing away and reattaching itself, and that oftentimes this means that there is something "wrong" with the baby and this is the body's way of "taking care of things on its own." He said I had a 50/50 chance of miscarrying. Not exactly what I had hoped I'd hear.
Thankfully, right around the same time I started getting miserably nauseous, I stopped bleeding. It seemed as though my body's hormones kicked into high gear to protect the pregnancy, causing the baby to be well but mommy to feel like death. That's okay. It was worth it.
Since that first sonogram, to my delight, I have heard a strong heartbeat at prenatal appointments and have felt lots of action in there.
But yesterday, when the sonogram tech as well as the other perinatologist continually smiled at the screen and said, "What a beautiful, perfect baby..." I still couldn't help but get choked up. All of the fear, all of the anxiety...disappeared. I saw my sweet baby...my sweet surprise baby...and felt myself beaming.
Life truly is amazing...