so that's it???

Last Friday, June 5, 2009, we had our last official day of homeschooling.

Emily and Kaleb took their end of year testing (passed with flying colors), and that was that.

The four year homeschool journey that began with Emily's kindergarten lessons, she and I sitting at the kitchen table, inspiration and fear battling for my brain, is over.
It hasn't really hit me, I guess. I don't feel relief or sadness. Not like I thought I would, anyway.
I'm trying to reflect on those first months, when I'd drop Kaleb off at preschool in 2005 and Emily and I would settle in at home or a coffee shop. Just us. Wow, she was a smart cookie. Absorbed everything I threw at her. She taught herself to read. No lie.
Many days, I sat with my three and five year old and did art projects that taught bible verses. Emily completed her lessons with ease. We had soft classical music playing in the backround. We went to gym/swim class. We took picnics and bikerides, talking and learning about trees and leaves. I remember thinking it was a lot of work. Ha. I had no idea how life was going to change!

This past year, especially in the fall, our days went a little more like this: Exhausted from nursing and being pregnant at the same time, I try to choke down a cup of coffee in the morning. I throw up. We sit at the homeschool table while Avery begs me to turn on Dora. Poopy diaper. I remind the kids to stay seated and finish their work while I clean stinkypants. We make it through one subject. I throw up. Someone else has a poopy diaper. I throw up. I try to go over phonics with Kaleb. I can't keep my eyes open because I have zero nourishment in my system. I nurse a baby. We do Emily's math lesson. Avery pees on the rug. I try to get lunch ready. I throw up. And it's not even noon yet...

So I guess the fond memories and the scary moments are balancing themselves out right now. I am sure I will have my moments of mourning. (I always, even in the crazy moments, considered myself VERY blessed to have all of my kids home with me.) And I'm sure I'll have my moments of relief. Right now, I guess I'm just too freaked out about everything else in life to give it too much thought.

Oh, and I do hope to do it again. The youngest three will begin kindergarten for three consecutive years! (Avery in 2012, Levi in 2013, new baby in 2014!)

panic

The semi-annual boys' campout whisked away my husband and 6-year-old this weekend. Emily's ninth birthday is next Friday, so I promised her she could have a couple of girlfriends here for a sleepover last night. Oh boy...
It went very well, for the record.

The only problem was that yesterday and the day before were full of the signs of labor. I will spare the details (be glad!), but it was enough to put me into panic mode. My bag isn't packed. The house is not ready. (Who doesn't want to go into labor knowing they've really cleaned the best they can?) I have no definite plan for the other kids while I'm in the hospital. Baby clothes are in the attic still. No new outfit for baby's homecoming.
And, perhaps most important, my sister can't be here until the 26th! She and Greg are my official labor partners this time around.
Today is better. I think that the anticipation and worry over the weekend is what brought on all of those other signs. That and exhaustion/dehydration.

Anyway, this week, I'm on a mission. It's time. I need to check all of those things off of my list.

Then I just need to hope this baby will stay put until the 26th.
Or at least until Greg gets home, tomorrow!

3.5 weeks...WHAT????

Okay, here it is...
I'm freaking out!
I am officially 36.5 weeks pregnant. That means that within a couple of weeks...oh my goodness...a couple of weeks...I am having this baby. Totally not ready...
And, scarier still, all of my babies have been early.
Emily was 6 days early.
Kaleb was 3 weeks early.
Avery was 11 days early.
Levi was 6 days early.
My due date is in 3.5 weeks...
YIKES!
I just had to have this moment...oh dear...

A couple more funny Avery stories

This child...
Oh my goodness...

I had to jot these moments down!

A few days ago, Avery was in the tub, and all of a sudden, she looked down and spotted her nipples. She exclaimed, "MOMMY! I have eyeballs on my tummy!!!"

Later on, she was laying down in bed, ready to sleep, and I said, "Okay, Avery, now close your eyes...I love you!"
She closed her eyes, opened them, and said, "Jesus said I can suck my thumb."
And in went the thumb.

She's going to keep herself known, nomatter how many kids are running around here!

Falling slowly...

It's crazy what happens when you carry a baby.

Now, I know I am a sucker when it comes to love. I always have been. I love easily and deeply.
I remember being in the hospital after having Kaleb, #2, just crying and crying while holding him. I remember that I could literally feel my heart growing in love. I loved Greg so much. Loved Emily so much. And to fall so quickly in love with this new little guy, it actually made my chest hurt.

But this pregnancy has had a beauty all its own because it was a complete surprise. We thought we were done having babies. It was tough to accept that another was on the way. But the process has been like slowly falling in love. I have realized that I am so glad to have another chance at this. That I'll still have time to experience pregnancy, birth, and a newborn.
Little one, you've already smitten me, just like your siblings. And I have yet to see your sweet face.
You're making my heart grow...again!

Just an update

Just wanted to post that we are doing well.
We have two weeks of school left; we're trying to bust out all that we need to learn before we do our end of year testing. The kids are little learning machines! Emily is going to be NINE next month! She is trying to master her multiplication tables and has started division. She's a little smartie, as always. Kaleb is reading well, but would still rather look at pictures. He always grasps math concepts with ease that I think will be difficult to teach. Just like Daddy.
Avery is also a little learner. It's hard to believe she just "turned" 2 1/2. She knows almost all of her letters and can look at, for example, three apples and say, "there are three apples." She's going to be a fast learner, I think.
And last week Levi started taking his FIRST STEPS! My baby is starting to WALK! He gets in two, five, sometimes ten steps before he gets excited and knocks himself onto his bottom. But he still feels like a baby to me. I know that will change when he isn't THE baby, so I'm holding on to this time when he's the littlest.
I am feeling well. Feeling like I'm carrying a girl (no, we still don't know what we're having), which means that I'm feeling more miserable than my boy pregnancies. Must be the overload of girl hormones. While I'm feeling healthy, I'm more irritable and weepy than normal. My last midwife appointment was Friday. I'm not quite 34 weeks. The appointment went well. The weight gain is taking its toll on how I feel. I lost ten at the beginning then gained thirty, bringing my total so far to twenty. That's one of my bigger pregnancy gains, at this point anyway. I'm hoping to gain no more than five between now and the delivery. It's just too exhausting to carry all of that extra around!
The baby is extremely active. You can see the "alien" moving around in there! Head was down on Friday (yes!) so I have a little bottom protruding just above my belly button and limbs that feel like they are wrapping around my torso! Maybe this little one will be tall!
Okay, that was just a quick update.
Lots going on, as always!

Eating away...

Despite the fact that I am insatiably ravenous at this point in my pregnancy, this post is not about my appetite. It's about something far more serious...

I need a maid! It's not that the housework is impossible to keep up. I could do it. It's my energy level and the fact that I'm so spread out among the needs of so many people.

So at this point, I'm surrendering to the fact that at any given moment there are usually at least two chores eating away at me in the back of my mind. I got Greg off to work this morning, made breakfast for the kids and got everyone dressed, then I spent an hour cleaning the upstairs bedrooms and decided to take a 15 minute break. Here I am. School starts as soon as the break's over. And the two things eating away at me are the load of towels in the dryer and the stack of papers here on the desk.

And eat away they shall.
8:40...time for school...